I had C-section and was completely out because I was under GA instead of epidural so I don’t remember him coming out and he had to wait for me to wake up before I can hold him. :(

And since I had to be put under GA, my husband couldn’t be in the room with me.

If I was under epidural, I would have been awake and my husband allowed in the theatre. In retrospect, I should have asked for the epidural earlier but I didn’t know Russ would be so fast and furious.

And yes, it’s very dream-like because I sniffed too much oxygen!

PS: If you’ve not gone through labour or is currently pregnant, I think the following post will not interest you.

I had a C-Section surgery scheduled on 24 August 2012. The date was picked after consulting the gynaecologist and a geomancer. I was supposed to go on maternity a week before and planned to vegetate at home until delivery.

Turns out Russell had his own plans.

My contractions started on 17 August evening, when I was in office writing my away from office auto-response. It wasn’t obvious, could have been Braxton Hicks, a false contraction.

Soon after I started shedding mucus plug. Another sign of labour.

By 7 pm, the contractions became mildly painful. I paged for my doctor and she told me to go directly to the labour ward.

I dilly-dallied at home, packed my hospital bag and told Bun to come back from dinner (I didn’t go out for dinner because I was feeling uncomfortable). We checked into hospital at about 9 pm.

By 10 pm, the contractions were coming in once every 4 minutes, stronger each time.

They didn’t take me seriously in the beginning because I wasn’t showing much emotions. They asked me to rate my pain but hello pain is subjective!? Nevertheless, I think I rated an 8.

They then hooked me up to an equipment that measure strength of contractions. They told me 127 was the maximum so far and confident that my contractions weren’t too bad. Turns out my contractions were going up to 120.

I believe knowing the strength of my contractions have some psychological effect on my pain experience. I decided that I couldn’t take the pain anymore and asked for oxygen. I also decided to be more theatrical about my pain so they will take me seriously.

The oxygen didn’t really help, just made me really drowsy.

Then there was a pop and water gushed out from below. My waterbag broke. I was like, “OK. Now, it’s really gonna hurt.” I started to panic and told Bun to send for the nurse. They started preparing to send me to the operation theatre. By then, my contractions were killing me, one prolong stab at a time. Yeah I imagined it’s like someone stabbing you in the stomach and twisting the knife while smiling menacingly. According to the Bible, that someone is God.

Then the following series of events happened, since I was already high from oxygen, they appear in my memory in a fuzzy dreamlike shroud.

• I put up one finger and announced to the room that I’m going to have just ONE kid.

• I remember thinking “I’m not supposed to go through labour !@#@$, what’s the point of scheduling a C-section when I’m in labour !@#$!”

• I started begging for epidural, my arms flailed around until I grabbed someone beside me and begged her for epidural.

• I heard my doctor saying it’s too late for epidural because I’m already dilating at 5 cm, which is more than halfway through and the epidural will take at least 20 mins to take effect. She said she will put me under general anaesthesia instead and I think I rolled my eyes at the obvious suggestion and went “Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes…”

• They gave me oxygen with added painkillers at the meantime and I started drifting off to sleep thinking it was anaesthesia and that when I wake up, this nightmare will be over and I can finally see my baby. BUT I woke up to another contraction and felt so incredibly cheated I would have flipped a table if I could.

Then I blanked out.

I woke up in the recovery room with Bun grinning at me. I reached for my tummy and it felt strangely empty. I remember being really concerned about the time, because I wanted to give birth after 12, on 18 August.

They wheeled me to my ward and after a while brought my baby to me. I remember taking pictures, feeding Russell and not much else. Which is really anti-climax I know! But honestly, the hours after delivery were really fuzzy. Things only became clearer later that day.

This ends my delivery story. You can ask me more questions with the ask link on the left!

We all agree that the winning dish is Skirt’s Signature Skirt Steak, which is also the cheapest Wagyu steak on the menu (yay!). According to my carnivorous friends, it is comparable to Morton’s. They will go back for this steak even though the other dishes we ordered are ordinary.

Definitely recommend Morton’s! Apart from good steaks, their desserts are stunning and the service is top-notched. Makes me a happier person after dining there.

Thank you. 170cm or 5’6ft.

You smile readily at strangers and toys with smiley faces.

You love to grumble with your baby language and it is hilarious, so we let you grumble longer.

Your pout is a perfect :( . It is also unfortunately hilarious, so we let you pout longer.

You are sleeping longer and deeper, which Mommy appreciates the most.

You gravitate towards my body at night, and you sleep best when you’re glued to my body.

You’ll specific about sleeping positions and you’d squirm around until you’re locked into a position you like.

You like singing, but I have to tell you there’s more shouting than singing.

You don’t cry often and only do so when we ignore your grumbles, which we tend to do because it’s soooooo cute!

You do not enjoy tummy time. You prefer to sit.

You started grabbing things, we saw you learn that skill last night. You looked intently at your fingers as you open and close them. I touched your knuckles and you grabbed my finger, you were looking at the process with this bemuse expression on your face.

12 weeks also means that Mommy has to go back to work. This past few weeks, I was especially sad in the afternoon because I know I won’t be able to spend your afternoons with you after I go back to work. But I know you’d be in the good hands of Mama and Yaya.

While you used to sleep till 8, you now wake up when I wake up at 6.30 and refuses to go back to sleep. I read that babies can pick up on their parents emotions. Can you tell that I’m sad to leave you baby!?

Don’t worry, you now have the biggest place in my heart and you’d stay with me wherever I go.

I just hope I have a place in your heart too.

Love, Mommy.

You were born together, and together you shall be forever more.
You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days.
Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God.

But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup, but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread, but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

Such a feelin’s comin’ over me. There is wonder in ‘most everything I see. Not a cloud in the sky, got the sun in my eyes. And I won’t be surprised if it’s a dream.

Everything I want the world to be. Is now comin’ true especially for me. And the reason is clear, it’s because you are here. You’re the nearest thing to heaven that I’ve seen.

I’m on the top of the world lookin’ down on creation. And the only explanation I can find is the love that I’ve found ever since you’ve been around. Your love’s put me at the top of the world.

Somethin’ in the wind has learned my name. And it’s tellin’ me that things are not the same. In the leaves on the trees and the touch of the breeze. There’s a pleasin’ sense of happiness for me.

There is only one wish on my mind. When this day is through I hope that I will find. That tomorrow will be just the same for you and me. All I need will be mine if you are here.

Chorus x 2

Aileen reminded me that I wrote a blog entry when I was in my early 20s, about my temptation to kick screaming toddlers who run all over the place because they are about the height of my knees, and that is so convenient.

What.. I wrote that?

Last year, shortly after my 29th birthday, I was thinking about how I want to celebrate my 30th. I was thinking about having a 30th Birthday Bash in a club and force all my friends, married with kids or not, to attend. I usually leave them out when I celebrate my birthday, but I’m turning 30, so it is naturally the most important thing in the world.

Ha, childish.

They say life is a journey or a book with different chapters. But once or twice, you’ll experience something that completely change your life around. From then on, you divide your life as before the event and after the event. Having a baby is, for me, one of those events. It doesn’t feel like a new chapter of my life, it’s a new book.

I look at my life before 30 and it is beginning to look like it belongs to somebody else.

Last year, I felt like 25 and wished I was 22, this year I feel like 30. And I’m okay with that.

Happy 30th birthday to me.

At the moment, he wants a girl and I don’t want another. It’s still too early to decide, will review again after 3 years.

Hmm.. which picture it is? For bokeh, I like LensLight and Bokehful. For photo editing I like using Snapseed.

I have two younger sisters, one 5 years younger, the other 10 years younger!

I signed up for a tumblr when it first launched and got it so yes it’s free. :)

Back to looking at clothes again.

PS: How is it hard to lose weight after pregnancy when I’ve got a 5.5 kg weight attached to my hips.

Dear Beanie,

You love smiling at Night-time Mommy, the one with messy hair, spectacles and eyes half opened. Not so much at Day-time Mommy.

You love smiling at Daddy the most.

You have different types of smiles, my favorite is this huge gummy smile with squinty eyes that lights up the room and melts my heart, and a half smile that I know you’re gonna use to charm the ladies in the future.

You never fail to smile in your sleep. We always wonder what you’re smiling at. Daddy thinks you’re skipping around in the Land of Milk Fountains.

You enjoy bath times, you’ll sit in the tub in quiet wonder while we lather you up, even though I know you’re hungry sometimes.

Although you don’t cry when your diapers are soiled, you like getting your bottom cleaned.

When you’re really hungry, you’d suck your hand.

When I start feeding you when you’ve been really hungry, you’d growl at the nipple, ravenous.

You do not like feeding on the right nipple because the let-down is too fast and you’d choke at times. I feel bad forcing it on you but you don’t have much choices baby!

You look drunk when you’re full, much to the delight of your alcoholic Auntie Pamela.

You’re loud when you burp, poop and fart. Daddy used to say “how can such a tiny person be so loud?”. And when you pooped yesterday, I can hear you from the next room.

You don’t like the pacifier, you usually give a look that seem to say, “you’re trying to trick me again.”

You love talking to Mommy.

You’re Mommy’s best audience when she sings. You tried singing along a few times but you mostly listen attentively.

You have been adopting a sleep routine like this. Sleep from 10 pm - 3.30 am, feed at 3.30 am, sleep again from 4 am - 6.30 am. Love you!

But sometimes, you’d switch back to the nonsense timing that is waking up for milk every 2 hours.

You resembles Daddy a lot, everyone says so.

Your scent, a concoction of sweat, milk spits, baby lotion and poop, is really intoxicating. We are addicted.

Your fists are usually sweaty and smelly, like your armpits and neck rolls, but we can’t stop smelling them either.

The dimples on your fists are one of the cutest things ever.

Your baby breath however, is the most precious.

Love, Mommy.